KAXE Programs - Phenology

I think it is time we put the weather service on a quantitative footing with regards to the use of such terms as cool, cold, very cold, bitterly cold, and damn cold. These terms are often used in a relative way. For instance, in a week where temperatures average in the 70s a day wherethe Mercury may only reach 60° is often referred to as cool. Now if that same 60° temperature came in December or January after a week of 30 weather. Trust me the National Weather Service would not use the word cool. Therefore, I offer the following list of definitions to put some numbers and related physical phenomena on these terms.

Cool   30° to 20° Locals will probably begin to wear longsleeved shirts. Skim ice will form on the dog's water dish. Snowbirds will finalize preparations for departure. The pump handle will warm to the touch and the chickadees will be ubiquitous and garrulous.

Pretty cool    20° to 10° Newcomers to northern Minnesota will begin wearing parkas, locals will dig out their vests. Most of the water in the dog's dish will be ice. The highways will be choked with Winnebagos towing Jeeps and unless you're trying to fill a bathtub, the pump panel will not feel anything like warm.  The chickadees will be ubiquitous and garrulous.

Kind of cold   10° to 0°   If the temperatures remain at this level ice will form on area lakes. Chipmunks will finally stop jamming their faces full of sunflower seeds and go to sleep. Gloved hands will be the rule rather than the exception. Touching the pump panel with exposed flesh would be ill advised and the chickadees will be ubiquitous and garrulous.

Cold   0° to -10°   At these temperatures the forest is filled with cracks and pops as trees freeze and burst. Ice on area lakes will begin to boom as it expands against itself. All but the most macho will be swathed in layers of insulated clothing. Newcomers will begin to question the wisdom of their commitment to a life in northern Minnesota. Arguments will develop over whose turn it is to pump water and the chickadees will remain ubiquitous and garrulous.

Very cold   -10° to -20°   Gloves will give way to choppers, ear flaps will be in the down position, and colar buttons will be fastened. It doesn't often snow at this temperature, but what snow there is will squeal and squeak underfoot. Northland neophytes will be seen examining the tires on their cars to it to ascertain the source of the newfound clunk present with every revolution. Small children should be counseled to avoid the entreaties of older children to put their tongues on any metal surface, and the chickadees will be ubiquitous and garrulous.

Bitterly cold   -20° to -30°    The child delivering your paper will find her eyelashes freezing together. The unfortunate autos left outside will require extra attention before they are likely to start. The seat will not yield to the weight of the driver. Exposed flesh feels a sting almost immediately upon your arrival outside. Even the Norwegians among us will be wearing heavy clothing and choppers and the chickadees will remain ubiquitous and garrulous.

Damned cold. Anything below -30°  Only the chickadees will be ubiquitous and garrulous.

Skier's Dictionary of Gradations of Cold - by Joel Rosen  (Best applied to mid-winter with untransformed snow and assumes skier is acclimated and intelligent enough not to ski across a lake. For moderate to brisk winds or cloudy  or post-sunset conditions or if you anticipate dawdling on the trail,  add one level of clothing.) 

Balmy - Shirtless with baseball cap and gloves - sunshine, light winds and using purple or special red kick wax   (28 to 36F)  No need to worry about sunburn unless it's April. 

Damned cold - skis don't glide on untransformed snow no matter what wax you use.  Skiing very long under these conditions will make you sweat and then get cold.  Take a snowshoe hike or split wood until it warms up above -25F.